Funnies of the Nerds

A day at work with a software Engineer

7:00 Wake up. Decide to do some really path-breaking work today.
9:00 Reach office. Sign in. Switch on terminal.
9:05 Check mail.
9:15 Start replying to accumulated mail." I really hate being popular. "
9:40 Send mail to occupant of next to next cubicle. " Taking in the new movie tonight ?"
9:45 Log into CyberSpace / M-Net / whatever.
9:50 Start searching. There must be some girls logged in.
10:05 Ask a girl for a date.
10:10 Refusal!! Heartbroken.
10:20 Recover equilibrium. Search for coffee. Anybody going to cafeteria ?
10:50 Back at desk. Decide to really start working now.
11:00 Realize that the required manual is in the library. Will have to withdraw it.
11:15 The spare library card was here somewhere. Where is it ?
11:30 Give up on library card search as a bad job. Of course I can do the stuff without the manuals.
12:45 Something written. Should get compiled.
12:46 How can 40 lines of code give 283 lines of error ? Must be some typographical mistake. Will check it after lunch.
13:15 The food was really good today. Why don't they make this item a regular feature ?
13:20 That was a really bright idea. Send a general mail to campaign for inclusion of this item everyday for lunch.
13:59 Did not include windows.h in the code. Now it should compile.
14:00 It compiled in one shot. God, I'm a genius!
14:01 RUN.
14:01:01 GPF.
14:02 Stunned. What is the world coming to these days ?
14:05 OK. Now the hard part comes. Do I debug the code or filch somebody else's library card ?
14:06 Looked over the cubicle. Chap in next cubicle has almost completed his module. Homicidal thoughts.
14:15 No, I should really do something about it. Start debugging the code.
17:45 Continuous GPFs. It would have been easier to kill the chap.
17:50 Take a break. Recurrent daydream : "Why are blonde girls so pretty ? "
18:05 Start Netsurfing. Search for Sharon Stone.
18:15 Found the location. Start downloading the pictures.
18:20 No space. Save it in the server ?
18:21 Do I dare to do it ? OK, what the hell, DO IT!!
18:35 Start experimenting with fonts, cursors and prompts. God, I was really made for this stuff !
19:25 Where is everybody ? Finger !
19:30 Time to pack up and go to the movie.
23:50 Back from the movie. Consider today a day well spent. Long live the I.T. industry.
0:00 Turn in for the night. Resolve to do some really path-breaking work tomorrow.

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Tech Support Questions

  • A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
    The tech asked her if she was "running it under Windows."
    The woman then responded, "No, my desk is next to the door.
    But that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his is working fine."
  • Tech Support: "How much free space do you have on your hard drive?"
    Customer: "Well, my wife likes to get up there on that Internet, and she downloaded ten hours of free space. Is that enough?"
  • Tech Support: "OK Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager."
    Customer: "I don't have a 'P'."
    Tech Support: "On your keyboard, Bob."
    Customer: "What do you mean?"
    Tech Support: "'P' on your keyboard, Bob."
    Customer: "I'm not going to do that!"
  • Overheard in a computer shop:
    Customer: "I'd like a mouse mat, please."
    Salesperson: "Certainly sir, we've got a large variety."
    Customer: "But will they be compatible with my computer?"
  • I once received a fax with a note on the bottom to fax the document back to the sender when I was finished with it, because he needed to keep it.
  • Customer: "Can you copy the Internet for me on this diskette?"
  • I work for a local ISP. Frequently we receive phone calls that go something like this: Customer: "Hi. Is this the Internet?"
  • Some people pay for their online services with checks made payable to "The Internet."
  • Customer: "So that will get me connected to the Internet, right?"
    Tech Support: "Yeah."
    Customer: "And that's the latest version of the Internet, right?"
    Tech Support: "Uhh...uh...uh...yeah."
  • Tech Support: "All right...now double-click on the File Manager icon."
    Customer: "That's why I hate this Windows-because of the icons- I'm a Protestant, and I don't believe in icons."
  • Tech Support: "Well, that's just an industry term sir. I don't believe it was meant to.."
    Customer: "I don't care about any 'Industry Terms'. I don't believe in icons."
    Tech Support: "Well...why don't you click on the 'little picture' of a file cabinet...is 'little picture' OK?"
    Customer: [click]
  • Customer: "My computer crashed!"
    Tech Support: "It crashed?"
    Customer: "Yeah, it won't let me play my game."
    Tech Support: "All right, hit Control-Alt-Delete to reboot."
    Customer: "No, it didn't crash-it crashed."
    Tech Support: "Huh?"
    Customer: "I crashed my game. That's what I said before. I crashed my spaceship and now it doesn't work."
    Tech Support: "Click on 'File,' then 'New Game.'"
    Customer: [pause] "Wow! How'd you learn how to do that?"

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