The CIA Test

A few months ago, there was an opening with the CIA for an assassin. These highly classified positions are hard to fill, and there's a lot of testing and background checks involved before you can even be considered for the position.

After sending some applicants through the background checks, training and testing, they narrowed the possible choices down to 2 men and a woman, but only one position was available. The day came for the final test to see which person would get the extremely secretive job.

The CIA men administering the test took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances", they explained. "Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her." The man got a shocked look on his face and said "You can't be serious! I could never shoot my own wife!" "Well", says the CIA man, "you're definitely not the right man for this job then."

So they bring the second man to the same door and hand him a gun. "We must know that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances", they explained to the second man. "Inside you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her." The second man looked a bit shocked, but nevertheless took the gun and went in the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes, then the door opened. The man came out of the room with tears in his eyes. "I tried to shoot her, I just couldn't pull the trigger and shoot my wife. I guess I'm not the right man for the job." "No" the CIA man replied, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."

Now they're down to the woman left to test. Again they lead her to the same door to the same room and hand her the same gun. "We must be sure that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances, this is your final test. Inside you will find your husband sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill him." The woman took the gun and opened the door. Before the door even closed all the way, the CIA heard the gun start firing One shot after another for 13 shots. Then all hell broke loose in the room. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls.

This went on for several minutes, then all went quiet. The door opened slowly, and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said "You guys didn't tell me the gun was loaded with blanks! I had to beat him to death with the chair!"

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Elementary, my dear Watson

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. As they lay down for the night,
Holmes asked: "Watson, look up into the sky and tell me what you see".
Watson said "I see millions and millions of stars".
Holmes: "And what does that tell you?"
Watson: "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Theologically, it tells me that God is great and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it tells me that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"
Holmes: "Elementary, my dear Watson. Somebody stole our tent".

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The 2 Cow System...

  • SOCIALISM: You have two cows. You keep one and give the other to your neighbor.
  • COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The Government takes both and shares the milk with you and your neighbor.
  • FASCISM: You have two cows. You give the milk to the government and they sell it back to you.
  • NAZISM: Government shoots you and takes both your cows.
  • CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You milk them and pour the lot down the drain to keep the price up.
  • SADISM: You have two cows. You shoot them both and drown yourself in the milk.
  • APARTHEID: You have two cows. You give the black cow's milk to the white cow to drink and don't milk the white cow.
  • WELFARE STATE: You have two cows. You milk them and give them the milk to drink.
  • ANARCHISM: You have two cows. The cows shoot you and milk each other.
  • BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. You fill in 17 forms in triplicate and you don't have time to milk them.
  • UNITED NATIONS: You have two cows. Russia vetoes the farmer from milking them. Britain and France veto the cows from milking the farmers. USA abstains.
  • IDEALISM: You have two cows. You marry and your wife milks them.
  • REALISM: You have two cows. You get married and you still milk them.
  • COMMONSENSE: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull!

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