Why did the Chicken cross the road?

KINDERGARTEN TEACHER: To get to the other side.
PLATO: For the greater good.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.
KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability.
TIMOTHY LEARY: Because that's the only trip the establishment would let It take.
SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
RONALD REAGAN: I forgot.
CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
HIPPOCRATES: Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.
ANDERSEN CONSULTING: Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. Andersen Consulting, in a bartnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM), Andersen helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge, capital and experiences to align the chicken's people, processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework. Andersen Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with Anderson consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergize with each other in order to achieve the implicit goals of delivering and successfully architecting and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes. The meeting was held in a park-like setting, enabling and creating an impactful environment which was strategically based, industry-focused, and built upon a consistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned with the chicken's mission, vision, and core values. This was conducive towards the creation of a total business integration solution. Andersen Consulting helped the chicken change to become more successful.
LOUIS FARRAKHAN: The road, you see, represents the black man. The chicken 'crossed' the black man in order to trample him and keep him down.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
MOSES: And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.
FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?
RICHARD M. NIXON: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road.
MACHIAVELLI: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.
JERRY SEINFELD: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place, anyway?"
FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
BILL GATES: I have just released the new Chicken Office 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your cheque book.
OLIVER STONE: The question is not, "Why did the chicken cross the road?" Rather, it is, "Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"
DARWIN: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads.
EINSTEIN: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
BUDDHA: Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.
RALPH WALDO EMERSON: The chicken did not cross the road, it transcended it.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain.
MICHAEL SCHUMACHER; it was an instinctive maneuver, the chicken obviously didn't see the road until he had already started to cross.
RAMBO: I missed one?
BILL CLINTON:I repeat, I didn't have sex with the chicken.

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On Second Thoughts ....

  • If pro is the opposite of con then is congress the opposite of progress
  • A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk I have a work station...
  • I must always remember that I'm unique, just like everyone else.
  • Can atheists get insurance for acts of God?
  • Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car, he sticks his head out the window!
  • If FEDEX and UPS were to merge, would they call it FED UP?
  • Does fuzzy logic tickle?
  • If they arrest the Energizer Bunny, would they charge it with battery?
  • I think everyone has a photographic memory; it's just that some of us don't have film.
  • I believe five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
  • How come you never hear about gruntled employees?
  • I don't have a solution, but I admire your problem.
  • How much deeper would the oceans be without sponges?
  • If a tin whistle is made out of tin (and it is), then what exactly is a fog horn made out of?
  • If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?!
  • If vegetable oil comes from vegetables, where does baby oil come from?
  • Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?
  • Is the hardness of the butter proportional to the softness of the bread?
  • I believe the only time the world beats a path to my door is when I'm in The bathroom.
  • What do they call a coffee break at the Lipton Tea Company?
  • What hair color do they put on the driver's license of a bald man?
  • What was the best thing before sliced bread?
  • When companies ship Styrofoam, what do they pack it in?
  • When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?
  • Why is the word abbreviation so long?

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Why Worry

There are two things to worry about:
either you are well or you are sick.
If you are well then there is nothing to worry about;
But if you are sick there are two things to worry about.
Either you will get well or you will die.
If you get well, there is nothing to worry about.
If you die, there are only two things to worry about.
Either you will go to heaven or you will go to hell.
If you go to heaven, there is nothing to worry about.
But if you go to hell, you'll be so busy shaking hands with friends
you won't have time to worry.

.... So Why Worry???

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